The Highs and Lows of This Time I'm In

 Happy Tuesday!

The big question on everyone's mind (my mind) today is: What to do with all this time? In the past few years time has become so insanely irrelevant that I can't seem to remember what happened to the days, or the hours, or the minutes. And now that I'm not tethered to a desk or a job, I'm feeling pretty off-kilter. Even more so than I have been, which if you knew me in person, would really shock you, because man I have problems with time.

But this morning, I slept in, slightly accidentally, but still did it. And a magical thing happened, I allowed myself the space to not feel guilty about what I "should" be doing. Where I should be, what jobs I should be applying to, etc. Instead, I let my puppy girl (who's over 2 years old, but will always be my puppy girl), climb under the covers with me, and we hung out and stayed warm while my husband got ready for work. I eventually got up, took my puppy girl for her walk, came home, made all 3 of us eggs for breakfast. Then I watched 2 episodes of Grey's Anatomy before I started doing some job applying and unemployment stuff. I've been so much more productive today because I haven't made myself feel worse for being where I'm at.

I am trying very hard to find work, and I had an excellent interview yesterday, and I have some meetings with various recruiters over the coming days. But there's only so much that I can do, so much of this process is a waiting game that I have no control over. And that lack of control is SO hard. I came off of such a high yesterday after that interview went well. But now, waiting and waiting for the follow-up, is pretty quickly hacking at my soul. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot will the process to go faster. 

So instead, I have to be kind to myself, and the process. I have to give myself the benefit of the doubt that things will work out, with time. Part of what I've been doing today is thinking about, what are the things I would wish I could do while I was at work? Cleaning out my personal inbox was one, so that's what I've been doing today. Organizing my inbox. Not glamorous, not fun, but making me feel better. Making me feel like I have some control, and even giving me a little energy to possible tackle the dishes that are staring me down from breakfast... but that's TBD.

I've also found myself leaning heavily into cooking. I really do love cooking. Not just baking, like I used to when I was younger, but I really enjoy finding new recipes and new things to try in the kitchen that push me. So in honor of that part of myself, here are two recipes that I tried this weekend with GREAT success, and I suggest everyone try.

Carrot Soup: https://www.budgetbytes.com/carrot-soup/

Challah: https://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-challah-bread-181004

Here's to more highs than lows! 

-E

I'm Back! And only mostly against my will...

 Happy Friday World!

It's be a looooong long time since I've thought about popping on here and actually writing a blog, but these days, I feel like I need to. In the short version of this story, I'm currently unemployed and trying, fairly desperately, to find a new job. 

For the first time since I was 15 years old, I didn't leave a job on my own terms. It has been a straight shot to my ego, for sure. I've never not been the breadwinner, the boat captain, the busy employed chick. This is a whole new thing for me, and I'm having a really hard time knowing where to begin. 

Don't get me wrong, I've been applying to jobs like a madwoman, and I've been reaching out to friends and old coworkers like nothing else. But I don't know where to begin, for me. I've always had that existential, "Who Am I?" questions rolling around my brain. I have never been so far from an answer. I don't think I realized how hard I held onto my job title as the answer to that question. Or my advanced degrees as the answer to that question. So who am I now? 

I often find myself thinking back to 2012/2013, peak Elizabeth finding Elizabeth time. I was in my early twenties, and things were just on their way up. There are days I wish I could go back there, but I can't. I need to figure out how to find that sense of wonder again. How to find the things I believe are worthwhile and help me find myself again?

I'm hoping, that by coming back to writing, my first love, that it will help me find a path, help me find things I enjoy and spark some opportunities in ways that I can't begin to imagine.

So, let's see what happens!